My brother and I are still not in communication with my father, it’s really beyond heartbreaking but I think at this point my brother is still too angry to have a relationship, and in my case, I think my dad is still too angry with me. What an ugly situation we got ourselves into. This August will be 5 whole years since I’ve spoken to or seen my dad. For my brother I think it’s been 2 years, since the day Dominic was born and my dad never came to the hospital. Time flies when you’re…. bitter… ? I guess. I hope that someday things will change and although I have reached out to my little brothers Nick and Alex every year on their birthdays and Christmas, they have never, not once replied. I wonder if they think I hurt them in some way, I wonder why they, both now adults, won’t communicate with me in any way? I wonder if I will ever know WTH they have been told to have such anger towards me?
My dad lost his father when he was 3 years old. I think. I know he was younger than 5. He died of complications from thalassemia major, most babies born with thalassemia major don’t typically make it very long, not usually past 5 years old. My grandfather not only made it, he moved from Greece to the US with a type of determination and courage that I can only dream of. He married my grandmother and along came my uncle and my dad soon thereafter. I wish he could have seen his son’s grow up, and could have come with them to California, from Ohio. I don’t know much about that time in my dad’s life, I know the address of the house he lived in as a teenager in Alameda and all the stories he told me about his brother and him getting into trouble. I know he moved out at 17, just like I did. The major difference between us was that he bought a brand new corvette at the same time and I didn’t get a car until MUCH later, ha! If only! I know he didn’t have the easiest childhood, but he made it through and never had anything to hide, which is where we differ, sadly. I think the question of the day is, how do I get my dad to move past what happened? Has he? Is his life just comfortable enough now that he doesn’t want to rock the boat? I stupidly sent him a happy birthday message through Facebook, yes, Facebook about 6 months ago. I don’t know if he ever read it and obviously if he did, my message fell short.
I’m proud of my heritage and can only imagine the strife my
grandfather felt when he decided, at the age of 18 to move here. To leave his
beautiful little island in Greece and come here, he was searching for an easier
way to achieve his dreams and I think for a while he found it. I wish he was
someone I had the opportunity to meet and learn from. I only have one photo of
him, I will do my best to post it here eventually.
This really was not meant to be a gloomy Father’s day post! I know last year I said maybe next year I will have something father’s day-ish to post That was typed with my heart full of hope, hope that my husband would be a father by now. I had no idea that I was just 2.5 months away from being pregnant and 5 months away from being told our baby would not make it to full term, that I had a molar pregnancy, that surgery would be required, as soon as possible and that we would need to wait at least 12 months before trying again. Wow, did this just get even heavier than it was before? Goodness!
Today I can say that I am again full of hope that by this
time next year we will have something father’s day-ish to post, and that (bonus!)
my father will once again be a part of our lives. I can say with certainty, that
would be a truly blissful day.